Jaded

By Andrew Chung
April 08, 2005

As a boy, being Asian never really occurred to me. Not in the 'I didn't know I was Asian!' sense, but in the sense that I never quite completely understood what my race meant in a larger social context.

I didn't understand how being Asian could mean the difference between employment and unemployment, having a voice and lacking one, or belonging and ostracism. As a boy everything was simple. But as is expected, reality bites you in the ass as you grow older and the world doesn't appear as sunny as it used to. Don't get me wrong, I'm not this disgruntled, embittered, angry, and pessimistic person with a firmly planted nihilistic worldview. No, quite the opposite. I'm determined, a firm believer in change, but most importantly I'm hopeful. However, these qualities often come into question when I also possess my most criticized characteristic: realism.

I believe that being Asian above all has given me this dignified but cumbersome trait. Yes, it may be pompous on my part to claim to possess a trait that one may argue can only be confirmed by a third party perspective. After all, realism is an objective notion. But my opinion of myself has little to do with my message. While realism often becomes a downer on a person's outlook, it is realism which makes one strive for better and at the same time avoid inevitable disappointment. In our case I specifically refer to persistently striving for the invisible and unachievable ideal of an artistic 'masterpiece.' What does this have to do with being Asian? Particularly in my life, quite a lot.

Asian culture is somewhat of a perfectionist but counterproductive ethos. The primary aim is to please the 'unpleasable.' Which is much like (here comes the link!) aiming to achieve the unachievable. The infamous obsession of an artist. Hold on, you say, what does this have to do with realism? Well if it wasn't for realism the 'unpleasable' would surely be easily pleased, because realistically there is always room for one to improve. Allow me to apply this more specifically to an Asian belief.

Asians are raised to be a humble and altruistic people, because overtly expressing any superior quality one might have over another, or the fulfillment of one's needs over another is the root cause of developing the dishonourable trait of egocentricity. No, we as a people do not look after ourselves, we look after each other, and in the end everyone will be the better for it. But as Adam Smith might argue, self-interest is a fated human instinct, which is beneficial for everyone when one is so inclined to surrender to it. Thus, what happens when a natural human instinct contradicts what has been engrained throughout one's life? There are three reactions that I think can happen, or what I would like to call the three R's of altruism: Rebellion, where one simply chooses to discard everything they have learned and follow their instincts; Repression, where one does the opposite and pushes away any natural instinct and live life as they have learned; or finally Realism, where one leads their lives as they have learned but at the same time follow their instincts. The last one is tricky because it is obviously a contradiction. With realism, one realistically understands that a person can have superior qualities over another and that a person's needs can be ahead of another's and thus one can attain these conditions. With this understanding one can attempt to satisfy their self-interest by striving to improve their qualities or elevate their status. However, because one does not overtly express their egocentrism, these attempts continue to persist infinitely, where the contradiction never can be reconciled. The end result is an obsessive habit of self-improvement.

Perhaps an example will make things clearer. Say Johnny and Bobby both are exceptional English students but remain humble with one another and always tell the other that he is their better. To serve self-interest they must strive to improve in English so that they are able to persuade themselves that they are superior. But as they do so they continue to reassure one another that he is their better. Thus, an internal battle ensues which never quite resolves itself.

I cannot speak for others growing up in an Asian culture, but this ongoing internal conflict runs through my entire being. And suddenly with this realization (and many others mind you), being Asian seems to permeate the forefront of my mind. Along with my passion for art, I can't help but think that maybe one has to do with the other.

Has growing up in an Asian culture made me a better artist? Or has being an artist helped me enhance my understanding of Asian culture? Or do they simply have no relation whatsoever?

I am still wrestling with those answers, but what brought me to this 'over-analysis' was the inception of this venture. This magazine exists because I share a common passion for art with my brother and sister. Thus, I naturally thought about how I came to this point in my life.

To put it simply this magazine is about exploring all forms of artistic expression in entertainment. We firmly believe that entertainment only becomes art when it is genuine, honest, truthful, or real. But who says when an artwork is any of these things anyway? That's arguably a subjective opinion. And truth and realism is arguably objective. Maybe realism isn't an objective notion after all. I mean, many may say that 'Jimmy Corrigan' feels as real as 'Spider-man.'

But maybe I'm just a little Jaded.